i logged in n all... redi to type to my heart's content..but ...

i'm juz too tired... some other time then.. take care everyone...much love

nites! sweet dreams..

juz to let ya'l know.. i have been and still am mostly uncontactable dis wk as my silly hp has bn sent for servicing as most of u know for the crack tt was inflicted on it... So, anw if u nd to get me juz call me at hm k..:) maybe it's the rite time for the fone to b awaaaaaaay as this wk has proven to b totally hectic and the real fun hasnt even begun yet.. lesson plans to complete.. file to compile..petty cash to track down..assignment due date comin up... materials to magically produce! n of course classes to attend... wedding cards to design..guest book to make...feather pen to buy... sequins beads ribbons... printer ink catridge..crepe paper...glitter..yarn... sheesh!!

ok so anw, call me at home... i'll b back soon..better go n do some research while tryin to write out my lp..take care ppl!

=) nw i feel happier.. at peace..n filled wit laughter! haha.. tt's wat 3...4?!?! hrs on the fone with sara does to me! hehe juz so great to juz talk..abt anythin n everythin... i'm nt sayin dis juz coz she's one of my best frenz... or coz she gave me so much of her time... i juz wanna say thx.. so sara stop tt head of urs frm growin any larger! haha... sara always does this to me... make me feel impt n trusted n needed n loved n interesting-even if im nt;p- juz wen i needed...thank u babe..u bring me home wen i feel so lost...n u understand me wen no one else does... n u make me laugh!! like im psychotic! haha the effects of being with psycho u! i seriously cant wait for mon!!

I LOVE YAAA BABE!!! =) U'RE THE BESTEST! ;p

And through it all she offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether I'm right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life won't break me
When I come to call
she won't forsake me
i'm loving angels instead

If I leave you it doesn't mean I love you any less..

another person feelin like it was all abt her... sigh sharon.. i promise u frm the bottom of my heart it wasnt abt u.. serious.. u r nt the cause of my misery.. u r nt the cause of my distress or so called bad luck-which u seem to think has befallen me, but which i sincerely hope hasnt- u r nt to blame for the bad things coz if tt were the case i think u'd b a wanted criminal by now... so let go of the guilt/anger/hurt/sadness tt I seemed to have somehow caused U.. coz it's nt abt u... wat am i doin to my frenz.. do my words hold such great power.. am i causing all these topsy-turvy words juz by expressing hw i was feeling...

i feel so down.. like part of my hart's missing...like it's so far outta reach i dun even know if i'll ever get it back no matter hw hard i try..eventho frm the start of it all it was mine to begin wit..mayb it's me..huh? waddya think? i'm nt suppose to b feelin dis way.. im outta adolescent secondary school days filled with quarrels wit aisha ;)mayb i nd to stop this runnin n evaluate.. mayb i nd to redecorate my life.. mayb i need to take a holiday! ..mayb i nd to find myself.. i thot i was doing tt.. everythin felt good n rite..tiring but gd..how'd it start going downhill..when? mayb i was wrong... hw is it tt i dis one yr..somehw ive felt tt ive been driftin frm those who were impt..tt somehow ive let them drift frm me.. i nd to do something...anythin

mayb i jus nd awhile to think.. i'l come back better..im sure of it..i hope!..sigh...

to ppl who gv me memories tt hv gone down the drain... u once helped kp my heart's fire burnin
ayu...bambi...
u guyz were the most difficult to lose..i still yearn for u.. so bloody much
ayu fr u my arms r still open..pls find ur way back anytime.. pls

serene...sham..joy..clar..
i wish u'd hold on..

sonkey..baboo..ali..jules..gdma
i WILL hold on
wat wuld life b without u..the realization's comin a lil too close for comfort..

sara..sher...sharon c
Thank U for holdin on to me.. even wen i feel like im going under...

xell..glad glad..yas..leonieee..sharon l..nic..elaine..super N ;p..serene...n all those ive left out.. i do love u...

cheryl...sheryl...sherlyn
i wish i culd find u again....

sigh.. juz gimme some time...

so i wrote somethin which was buggin me.. n three ppl smsed to ask me if it was abt them.. so now ive gt two ppl pissed at me and one really really sorry... wat hv i done! y are they angry at ME?! seriously.. it wasnt aimed at anyone in particular.. i was jus feelin down.. n those i really wanted to hv ard me werent really free and i jus jotted down wat i was feeling.. actually no, who am i kiddin it WAS aimed in a way at someone.. n tt was bambi..it wasnt anyone else..maybe i was in a way writin abt ALL of u..but at the core of it was bambi... the fren who took every single thing in my heart n provided me wit my safe haven frm the start n then juz chucked it all aside.. leavin me feelin lost wit no outlet for my feelings...

i read sonkey's blog..tt hurt.. pissed me off..but hurt more..she's my best fren.. she doesnt even nd to hear me coz she knows me.. so the words hit straight to my heart... so much anger n pain.. all directed at me.. yes i know ive been feelin like she's bn missing frm my life.. n yes i was alil pissed at tt..but did i really deserve all tt?! EVEN if it felt like tt post was abt u...if ur aim was to hurt me, it did babe..so thank u frm the bottom of my cruel heart..

i DID sms u back.. it was a late reply but i did.. maybe u din get it who knows...i know i could have made the first move.. tt i admit was my fault too.. sometimes, especially dis yr it jus seems like we were so far apart n egotistical me was jus waitin to see if u'd ever think of me.. i'm sorry 4 tt.. i din get the heads-up frm ur mum.. in fact u were the one who lemme know of ur situation.. ur mum asked me if i knew abt it only at nite... im not askin u to match up to my so-called new wonderful frens.. frens who i hv no idea where they r coz the only new frenz i hv made recently havent even been nice least they be wonderful..n do u seriously think tt anyone i met, anyone tt i am yet to meet could ever match up to U.. to where U are in my heart.. do u really think so.. i'm sorry I can never match up to the perfect fren.. that i can never be as wonderful as u nd me to be... tt i cant answer every fone call... tt my life bores u.. tt u feel u bore me... i never meant to mk u feel left out.. but did u ever stop to thnk mayb it was our natural human reaction of feeling left out of ur life... wen it's the the three of us i always try n mk both of u feel involved.. n yet both u n babs r saying tt u feel left out.. how abt me.. do i even matter in this equation... i dun wanna say anymore..nt here.. it doesnt feel rite talkin to my screen.. im sorry ive hurt u.. but somehow at this moment i feel like my heart's breakin..so gimme awhile...dun assume im nt replyin on purpose or anythin.. juz gmme awhile..

i love u.. even pain cant go over tt feelin...

make no mistake.. dis post IS 4 u..

Shadows are falling and I'm running out of breath
Keep me in your heart for awhile
If I leave you it doesn't mean I love you any less
Keep me in your heart for awhile
When you get up in the morning and you see that crazy sun
Keep me in your heart for awhile
There's a train leaving nightly called when all is said and doneKeep me in your heart for awhile
Sometimes when you're doing simple things around the house
Maybe you'll think of me and smile You know I'm tied to you like the buttons on your blouse
Keep me in your heart for awhile
Hold me in your thoughts, take me to your dreams Touch me as I fall into view When the winter comes keep the fires lit
And I will be right next to you
keep me in your heart for awhile These wheels keep turning but they're running out of steam Keep me in your heart for awhile