i kp havin a sort of recurrin dream.wen im sleeping i dream of it.wen im awake i think of it.its always hangin ard.mockin me in a way..eesh! its the same sequence..goin to work, gettin stuck in the lift, callin su..no ans..callin another coll..yes an ans..she cant hear me.. the lift's movin suddenly..too fast.. upwards..approachin the roof of the buildin.open eyes..heart beating super fast.sometimes i wake up and go back to slp and its the same thing all ovr again..sometimes all of us in the lift are now in court fightin for our rites or somethin! i dunno la. i suppose its linked somehow to the lift incident.nicki(who was in the lift with me tt time) tells me im goin mad.. nim(who was also in the lift) says its final destination?!?!?! su(who was the 1st 1 i spoke to n cried like a mad lunatic to once i was out - a lunatic is some1 who is mad rite..so imagine a MAD lunatic-) says ive prolly developed a phobia. i dunno..its jus annoyin me..but im kinda thinkin she's rite. i step into any lift n my eyes r stuck on the numbers..my heart beats a few million miles a min.. i cant really hear wat everyone else is sayin ard me i jus laugh n nod politely feignin interest..im practically holding my breath till i come out..n i'm scared. beig completely honest, i'm scared.all the while the lift takes to go up and down, im actually terrified.i cant wait for the door to open again n im out there where its safer.

those of u who knows wat happened, can stop readin now..those who dun, i have to share..i cant help it im always thinkin of it.. i think its startin to drive me mad! so anw, my classes are held at a "wonderful" buildin in orchard.. i shall nt name any names. its"wonderful" n grey n is popular for all the sex tats supposedly happenin in the stairwells - nt tt i know anythin abt tt;p- so anw, the lifts in this "wonderful" buildin are always hving probs. its always jammin for a few mins n when u go up n down in it u can really feel the pressure in the lift-remember sara?!- so anw, on this one lucky nite a bunch of us get into a lift, after class, at 9.45 and end up comin out of it only at 11! the lift gt jammed! once the lift stopped moving, the ventilation fan stopped too. there was 15 of us in the lift.. FIFTEEN! it was hot and squeezy n we din hv air.. nobody heard us, nobody came to our aid. most of our fones had no network..we called the no given in the lift.. wrong no. we called our sch..ok they told us they'd get mantainence. so we waited n waited n waited.. 14 girls and 1 guy who i suppose worked in the building. so hot, he decided to take out the bulbs.left one coz we din wanna be in total darkness..still noone came..called the fire dept..gt transfered to the police.the mantainence came told us they couldnt find us..went floor by floor knockin n waitin for us to reply. found us..couldnt open the door. We were running outta air..water vapour everywhere..seriously EVERYWHERE.. the walls, the door. the water vapour was makin the walls cooler then our own bodies. my fren started hyperventilatin..couldnt breathe, felt faint. maintence guyz told sed to some1 else tt we were impatient. the guy in the lift himself started shoutin at them.. throat so dry..everyone sweating..everyone breathin harder..nobody could move..so constrained..so packed..so awful..so scared..dammit.i can actually feel it..typin abt it.. the images still so clear in my hear. mantainence sed they had to go to control rm..y couldnt they get us out?! wat happened? hey left us without even a single person reassurin us. ppl shoutin..jus wantin ans..ppl squatting feelin faint..call manainence again is it they say? someone's fainting..is it?finally they open the door, we're stuck in between.. my god thank u for the air. cimb down onto dustbin then jump off we're told.now i realise it's nt the correct procedure, the lift culd hv started movin suddenly n someone could hv been stuck in between.. or could have fallen thru the lift shaft frm the bottom, eventho there were ppl blockin it. jumped down..sat down.hands shakin badly..breathin seems difficult.everyone's dazzed and tired.n crying..faintin girl gets tended to. no one apologizes..no one calms us. uniformed officers tk our accounts n leave..most walk down the stairs on their own.. frm the 20 somethin floor.. i was dragged profusely refusing n on the verge of tears into a lift with a few of us and a fren's husband. i go down, tk a cab,su calls to chk if im ok..tt's wen i became the mad lunatic..she listens n mks all the rite noises, mks me feel safer.gt home sonkey called..heard me out..calmed my spirit..calmed my soul.. n tt my frens was the lift incident.. prolly nt the whole agonizin story..but the gist of it.. n this is wat i believe is causin my current lack of sleep..

sigh.. anw, my bro brought home a fren's cat(big kitten) ;p to help care for it while he attends a grandmother's funeral in some other country..poor thing's so lost n shy n keeps running away frm my sis.. n it runs after it's tail.. like a dog!! i swear it jus goes round n round n round.. n then.. dis is the funniest thing.. once it catches it, it sits there n sucks it.. at first i thot she was cleaning her tail.but then realized she was actually suckin it and it was puttin her to sleep. my sis sed she can hear the suckin sound some more! haha.. juz reminds me of some of the lil babies in sch who nd pacifiers and security blankets and pillows to slp.. n how they'l smell smell or rub the corner of the pillow.. haha this cat's tail is her security blanket!

in all this suckin excitement ;p hehe i dunno where i left my fone..forgetful me as always la! it'l turn up in awhile i think..hehe
lastly, i MIGHT hv annoyed sonkey somehow.. i hope i din sonk! really sorry abt tdy..see ya soon.. love ya tonness.. hope poor lil andrew's allergy clears up soon..you're still a handsome lil guy..allergy or nt! *mwuah*

it was sher's bday on fri! =D all i could do was send her my greetings n luv via sms.. would hv luved to give her a big hug..haha.. anw, happy birthday babe! hope u had an awesome day..miss ya! the crazy gal i met wen we were 14?!?! now TWENTY-THREE!! heehee...

Mahal kita! hope i got tt rite;p

ive been a bad..blogger..friend..daughter..sister..cousin..niece..
god-daughter..sonkey..longan(yes yes ali)..teacher..best friend.. i actually feel guilty.. all these ppl deserve my undivided attention and time..but unfortunately ive been unable to even give them even a resemblence of a normal relationship..a phone call.. a sms answered on time.. a chat that lasts longer then 15 mins..hugs..kisses..gossip..emails.

so to all u ppl, i am truly sorry. i promise to try harder..really.. nxt wk maybe? ;) i miss every one of u. Even those i 'see' everyday at home but dun hv time to spend with. I jus plead with ya'l to b understanding at the moment. Work and studies seems to have gotten a tight hold of my neck. between these two, i seem to hv no time for even myself. this is the first sat since the yr started tt i am actually at home at this hr jus happy to be typing on my lappy and not sitting somewhere doing group assignment and fighting with my grp mates! u dun noe hw gd it feels. i even miss my house! sometimes my schedule gets so tight i feel suffocated.. do i really nd to do this i ask myself.. i know alot of u muz b thinkin..wth i can study n still hv time for ppl..but im STUDYING AND WORKIN at the same time. n my job is one tt requires late nite lesson plan writing, material makin, chart making, progress writing, board material makin n asemblin..its a wonder i havent gotten a papercut frm all the paper ive been cutting n tearing n clourin n writin on n printing on and arranging.. my studies on the other hand requires grp meetings every wkend.. n some weekdays..AFTER class!! argh..assigments.. lesson plans..teaching aids..materials.. presentations..nonsnese..every nonsense u cn think up tt sucks the precious time of ppl ;p haha ok enuf moaning.. haha
the main aim of this post was to say sorry to all the loves of my life.. n beg them to continue loving me and being there coz they get me thru the tough days..

so in light of this..lemme introduce u to a few of the loves of my life..(no pictures due to the respecting privacy-n-wat-n0t issue ;p)

sonks - the gal i practically grew up with.. the bestie frm pri sch! tolerating my nonsense n moods.. understandin even when understanding me seems difficult..providin luv n encouragement.. n choc n calamari;p hehe..gives awesome hugs that calms my soul.. feels at hm in my sty(only person who'se probably seen the sty in its original state so many times).has loooong toes

ali - the best fren who sees thru me n my fake lies n knows wen somethin's nt rite. the one who does nonsense with me.. like walkin in drains.. n nvr lets me forget it.. the one who's prolly had the most sleep-overs with me tt i know her sleeping patterns so well.. i know when i hear tt voice tt she'l b gone in a few mins n i'll still b talkin..the one who fights wit me yet gives me the luv i nd when i nd it..the indian gal in a chinese body ;p hahaha

sara - the luv of my life who's in can!! ..another person who knows when my heart is hurtin n wen its genuinely happy;) the one i can hv serious talks with.. yet in a few secs b laughin hysterically on the floor wit..the sweetheart who can seems to hv a radar for funny situations..a generous heart with a beautiful face..

su - the darlin..some1 im so happy to see everyday..the mentor..friend..gossip buddy..the luv..the sch neighbour..the snr teacher..the darlin.. the one i turn to for advice on silly things like dealin with obnoxious parents.. the one i also turn to for serious advice n talks..the one who provides me wit so much laughter every single day!the one wit the beautiful smiles n words tt warm me rite to my soul..of course nt forgettin..the one with the revolting rhymes!!!=D

serene - another darlin at work.. best fren who looks at me across the cupboards n knows wen i nd some tlc.. the one always drownin wit me durin lesson plan writin n settin up in a hurry.. the one who hears n knows my gossip first! the on the surface ah lian wit a heart of gold..

sher - the hot mama who is always willin to help me out from across the miles.. the best fren i havent seen in YEARS.. n will prolly not see for yrs to come.. the one who left a hole in my heart wen she left.. the beautiful lady who's nw an awesome mother..the one who used to sing me songs whenever i demanded it..the no-nonsense fren who tells it to me like it is..always encouraging and supporting and loving.. even with so many other things on her mind.. the one who always believes..

stardust - the one who while was here listened to all the nonsense i had to talk abt.. hehe the one who seems to be able to tell hw i am juz by hearin my voice..the one tt's definately missed..

these r jus a few.. i seem to be blessed wit beautiful ppl in my life..n these are jus a few! n i know hw lucky i am for tt..

e luvs i miss so much:
jules, lemboooooo,ayu(the idiot..y am i still missin u),glad glad,serene,bangbang,godma,aho,ni,
le,monkey,clown,missy,sharon l,rac

i luv u ALL..u r my blessings...mwuah

hugz, grace