hello ppl!! i know i know havent been here for long..too long! but i was super busy.. still am actually..BUT i'm nt gonna go into tt rite now.. i always do tt anw.. hehe..

anw, CHRISTMAS is AROUND THE CORNNNNNNNNERRRRR!!!!!!! =D i love christmas.. I L.O.V.E it... i love the love in the air.. the sharing and caring and fun times..is tt only in the movies?!!? nah it's in the air somewhere and i can almost feel it!!! i love the hugz and kisses.. i love the tonnes of food and cookies and kuihs.. i love the cards -we all know hw much i love getting stuff in the mail.. u know rite..;p- i love the xmasy shows-tho home alone is getting alil too mundane dun u think- i love the tree.. the old .. no sentimental deco most of it passed down from my grandma:) i love setting up the nativity...holding on to baby jesus juz to put him in on the 25th.. i love the lights..the lights that come up everywhere during this time of the yr.. i love mad last minute shopping.. i love spending time with my loved ones.. i love feeling mushy and weepy and bundled up wit love..i love to hear ppl caroling.. i love singing the songs! i love going to church.. i love getting dressed up.. i love puttin presents under the tree..waiting for ppl to open them.. i love tt my bday always..well most of the time.. falls in the same wk...but most of all i love tt im catholic and tt im celebrating my faith and tt dis special day was when god sent his only son for me.. for u.. for us... ok so now we all know how much i love christmas!! :) i cant wait!!!! tho dis y it seems to be creeping up behind me pretty fast.. only two weeks to go!! did i tell u how i cant wait!!!!!!!!! :)

another day i love.. which is also coming up... MY BDAY!!!:) bday bday bday!!!yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!! did EVERYONE hear me?!?! ;p hahaha unfortunately dis yr i have an exam on tt day so i dun think i'l b doing anythin much..actually i dun think i'l b doing anythin at all actually! hw sad id tt!! i know i know..ali sed we muz all grow up and realize tt work n stuff come in the way of these kinda things.. did u say tt ali?!? or was tt someone else?!? i know.. its true..but i cant help it!! i want to spend the day with ppl i love... i want to njoy and makan n talk to them.. i want the hugz!!the hugz!! i want the PRESENTS!!!! ;p i want to b happ and carefree on tt day..the thing i want most of all is jus to spend time with my frenz... if i could have my way the exam would jus disappear! sheesh.. but tt wont happen... so dream tt after my exam.. i'll take tt silly lift tt i dislike!..down and find my frenz all jus waiting for me.. with lotsa flowers.. n presents.. n hugz ;) n tt they'l whisk me off for a fun nite i wont forget.. n together wit them i can celebrate turning 22!!! heheehe like a princess! hehe maybe there'l b a limo.. and lotsa cash.. n balloons and confetti and choc everywhere - its a dream! im permitted to dream big!- but then again reality bites.. and this is prolly wat'l happen ..aft my exam i'l b stressing abt whether i worte the rite info... and i'l come down and come home and slp..and wake up the nxt day and go to work! bleah! so maybe we'l jus meet up for dinner on the nxt day or day aft or somethin ppl? hw abt tt... i dunnoo...

argh! ok anw.. i better get back to the actual reason i turned on the computer! to type out stuff for class.. ohhh ohh it was my mum n dad's anni tdy!! i couldnt do anythin with them coz..yup i had class!! but i wish them all the love in the world..may they always be each other's missing piece.. thank u for havin us ungrateful kids.. we love u dearly and are actually, truly very grateful for all tt u do for us.. here's to many more happy blessed years to come.. wit love u've built this family...love u guyz!! YAY!
nites ppl!

oh yeah one last thing.. di.. i'm here for u hon.. i know im nt always ard..but i'l try my best.. u know u've gt me here no matter wat tho.. and i love u lots.. *huGz* hang in there babe.. we'll mk two yrs go by real fast..love ya

i need a new leaf to turn over. while somehow holdin on to the real me...no point in holdin on to past hurts n stuff in the end the person tt's hurtin the most is you.. came back on sun from batam wit ali!! :) somehow i feel better! redi to try n mk changes..now its the actual changes that i hv to stop procrastinatin on;p haha didi gave me a bk once.. with a frog on its cover i forgot wat its called.. somethin abt not proscrastinatin.. guess what.. its been years n havent gotten past the first pg! haha n i bet didi hasnt either..hehe

batam was adventurous.. we had NOTHIN planned..zilch! we were suppozed to head to KL but after considerin the time and everythin we felt it wasnt worth.. so we headed to batam instead..with no driver, no hotel, no idea of where the shopping malls were even! tho di's ma did her best to help wit the driver problem.. but we had fun tho.. din we baba!?!? jux took everythin as it came.. no real planning... shoppin and nails and lots of makaning...n haggling with taxi drivers..tho ali did most of tt.. and plenty of starin at ppl with confused looks since everyone knows my standard of malay! haha..there was even one driver who grumbled over pricing with ali then gave us a cheaper rate then wat we were askin for.. WHILE claiming that the price we wanted was too cheap.. funny la! haha oh n who in their rite mind can forget diamond shoppin center..or the taxi with the ice effect! haha i had fun ali..thank u so much for tt.. we'l do it again... maybe with abit of planning..at least shopping-wise nxt time ard;p

so anw..time to put me first and make changes that benefits everyone..especially ME! :) i hope dis works! hehe..yay me! hehe






lets find a way...bring me back to ytd..

i'm tired..life basically sux..ppl have bn disappointing..too high expectations on my part?!? nobody's perfect??? even the aboslutely puuurfect..deprived off sleep...puttin in extra hrs..ass due soon..havent started..clearin up dam proj mess..crash.burn..full stop?

i've been tired.. time seems to be runnin faster everytime i feel tt ive finally caught up.. i guess tt's partly my fault..we're nearin the end of the yr n yet i feel like i cant really catch my breath.. yet! so much has happened..if i could turn back time i would.. jus to mk things better..jus to mk things seem rite.. but at the end of the day..who can u really depend on.. who can u really trust...i cant even seem to depend on myself recently much less wish for others to care or understand..somewhere along the way..runnin thru dis yr..i seem to hv lost myself..n i dun really know how to find tt part i seem to hv misplaced.. where's my enthusiasm n happiness n love for practically everyone.. where's my trust n faith n hope... i always believed in the gd in ppl.. in holding on and striving for the best..now i feel like i only seem to see the bad first..why do feel like takin my heels n jus throwin it at every idiot who pisses me off... n tt seems to b practically everyone recently.. why do i feel so lost.. talkin to ppl like sara n alicia..juz talkin or gossiping or chattin.. n i feel better.. like i caught a glimpse of ME.. but somehow aft the phone's put down n the train's brought me hm.. the old me's gone again...or is it only my silly lopsided view...i dunno.. i dunno much these days...

when i was young..young-er i had this habit of jus sitting n watchin ppl sleep..my grandma, my aunt, my mum.. juz watchin n watchin n somehow makin sure they're ok.. i'd watch for the rise and fall of the chest.. or put my finger in front of their nose n feel for air..tryin to do all these without wakin them..n i would jus sit there til i was absolutely sure they were ok...n somehow tt would mk my heart feel better..safer..more secure... there was once i sat n watched my grandma for awhile.. i watched n watched n i jus din 'see' her breathin..and i started to cry...n my heart started poundin n i started shaking her and calling her over n over..n she woke up with a start..bcoz of course she was ok.. it was jus my over-active imagination...over the years i lost the habit..as we all do with silly kiddy things we used to do...once in a while i'd find myself doing it again..like wen i sat n watched sonkey n lemboo slp at the chalet... or held my grandma's hand n wathed her during wat i din know then was her last few days here...wen my lil baby icy was born..juz once in awhile...but recently ive caught myself doin it often.. wachin my mum as she slps...waitin for tt rise n fall.. i've even found myself watchin my lil devils while their sleeping.. n even doing the finger in front of nose test....n as i watch them i can feel myself holdin my breath...heart starting to beat a lil more rapidly...

i seem to b goin a lil mad...madder than i usually am.. but as sara would say.. i've always been mad! ;p...
i dunno where i'm goin wit all this nonsense.. but...
but.. i dunno.. as i said i dunno much these days...

i logged in n all... redi to type to my heart's content..but ...

i'm juz too tired... some other time then.. take care everyone...much love

nites! sweet dreams..

juz to let ya'l know.. i have been and still am mostly uncontactable dis wk as my silly hp has bn sent for servicing as most of u know for the crack tt was inflicted on it... So, anw if u nd to get me juz call me at hm k..:) maybe it's the rite time for the fone to b awaaaaaaay as this wk has proven to b totally hectic and the real fun hasnt even begun yet.. lesson plans to complete.. file to compile..petty cash to track down..assignment due date comin up... materials to magically produce! n of course classes to attend... wedding cards to design..guest book to make...feather pen to buy... sequins beads ribbons... printer ink catridge..crepe paper...glitter..yarn... sheesh!!

ok so anw, call me at home... i'll b back soon..better go n do some research while tryin to write out my lp..take care ppl!

=) nw i feel happier.. at peace..n filled wit laughter! haha.. tt's wat 3...4?!?! hrs on the fone with sara does to me! hehe juz so great to juz talk..abt anythin n everythin... i'm nt sayin dis juz coz she's one of my best frenz... or coz she gave me so much of her time... i juz wanna say thx.. so sara stop tt head of urs frm growin any larger! haha... sara always does this to me... make me feel impt n trusted n needed n loved n interesting-even if im nt;p- juz wen i needed...thank u babe..u bring me home wen i feel so lost...n u understand me wen no one else does... n u make me laugh!! like im psychotic! haha the effects of being with psycho u! i seriously cant wait for mon!!

I LOVE YAAA BABE!!! =) U'RE THE BESTEST! ;p

And through it all she offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether I'm right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life won't break me
When I come to call
she won't forsake me
i'm loving angels instead

If I leave you it doesn't mean I love you any less..

another person feelin like it was all abt her... sigh sharon.. i promise u frm the bottom of my heart it wasnt abt u.. serious.. u r nt the cause of my misery.. u r nt the cause of my distress or so called bad luck-which u seem to think has befallen me, but which i sincerely hope hasnt- u r nt to blame for the bad things coz if tt were the case i think u'd b a wanted criminal by now... so let go of the guilt/anger/hurt/sadness tt I seemed to have somehow caused U.. coz it's nt abt u... wat am i doin to my frenz.. do my words hold such great power.. am i causing all these topsy-turvy words juz by expressing hw i was feeling...

i feel so down.. like part of my hart's missing...like it's so far outta reach i dun even know if i'll ever get it back no matter hw hard i try..eventho frm the start of it all it was mine to begin wit..mayb it's me..huh? waddya think? i'm nt suppose to b feelin dis way.. im outta adolescent secondary school days filled with quarrels wit aisha ;)mayb i nd to stop this runnin n evaluate.. mayb i nd to redecorate my life.. mayb i need to take a holiday! ..mayb i nd to find myself.. i thot i was doing tt.. everythin felt good n rite..tiring but gd..how'd it start going downhill..when? mayb i was wrong... hw is it tt i dis one yr..somehw ive felt tt ive been driftin frm those who were impt..tt somehow ive let them drift frm me.. i nd to do something...anythin

mayb i jus nd awhile to think.. i'l come back better..im sure of it..i hope!..sigh...

to ppl who gv me memories tt hv gone down the drain... u once helped kp my heart's fire burnin
ayu...bambi...
u guyz were the most difficult to lose..i still yearn for u.. so bloody much
ayu fr u my arms r still open..pls find ur way back anytime.. pls

serene...sham..joy..clar..
i wish u'd hold on..

sonkey..baboo..ali..jules..gdma
i WILL hold on
wat wuld life b without u..the realization's comin a lil too close for comfort..

sara..sher...sharon c
Thank U for holdin on to me.. even wen i feel like im going under...

xell..glad glad..yas..leonieee..sharon l..nic..elaine..super N ;p..serene...n all those ive left out.. i do love u...

cheryl...sheryl...sherlyn
i wish i culd find u again....

sigh.. juz gimme some time...

so i wrote somethin which was buggin me.. n three ppl smsed to ask me if it was abt them.. so now ive gt two ppl pissed at me and one really really sorry... wat hv i done! y are they angry at ME?! seriously.. it wasnt aimed at anyone in particular.. i was jus feelin down.. n those i really wanted to hv ard me werent really free and i jus jotted down wat i was feeling.. actually no, who am i kiddin it WAS aimed in a way at someone.. n tt was bambi..it wasnt anyone else..maybe i was in a way writin abt ALL of u..but at the core of it was bambi... the fren who took every single thing in my heart n provided me wit my safe haven frm the start n then juz chucked it all aside.. leavin me feelin lost wit no outlet for my feelings...

i read sonkey's blog..tt hurt.. pissed me off..but hurt more..she's my best fren.. she doesnt even nd to hear me coz she knows me.. so the words hit straight to my heart... so much anger n pain.. all directed at me.. yes i know ive been feelin like she's bn missing frm my life.. n yes i was alil pissed at tt..but did i really deserve all tt?! EVEN if it felt like tt post was abt u...if ur aim was to hurt me, it did babe..so thank u frm the bottom of my cruel heart..

i DID sms u back.. it was a late reply but i did.. maybe u din get it who knows...i know i could have made the first move.. tt i admit was my fault too.. sometimes, especially dis yr it jus seems like we were so far apart n egotistical me was jus waitin to see if u'd ever think of me.. i'm sorry 4 tt.. i din get the heads-up frm ur mum.. in fact u were the one who lemme know of ur situation.. ur mum asked me if i knew abt it only at nite... im not askin u to match up to my so-called new wonderful frens.. frens who i hv no idea where they r coz the only new frenz i hv made recently havent even been nice least they be wonderful..n do u seriously think tt anyone i met, anyone tt i am yet to meet could ever match up to U.. to where U are in my heart.. do u really think so.. i'm sorry I can never match up to the perfect fren.. that i can never be as wonderful as u nd me to be... tt i cant answer every fone call... tt my life bores u.. tt u feel u bore me... i never meant to mk u feel left out.. but did u ever stop to thnk mayb it was our natural human reaction of feeling left out of ur life... wen it's the the three of us i always try n mk both of u feel involved.. n yet both u n babs r saying tt u feel left out.. how abt me.. do i even matter in this equation... i dun wanna say anymore..nt here.. it doesnt feel rite talkin to my screen.. im sorry ive hurt u.. but somehow at this moment i feel like my heart's breakin..so gimme awhile...dun assume im nt replyin on purpose or anythin.. juz gmme awhile..

i love u.. even pain cant go over tt feelin...

make no mistake.. dis post IS 4 u..

Shadows are falling and I'm running out of breath
Keep me in your heart for awhile
If I leave you it doesn't mean I love you any less
Keep me in your heart for awhile
When you get up in the morning and you see that crazy sun
Keep me in your heart for awhile
There's a train leaving nightly called when all is said and doneKeep me in your heart for awhile
Sometimes when you're doing simple things around the house
Maybe you'll think of me and smile You know I'm tied to you like the buttons on your blouse
Keep me in your heart for awhile
Hold me in your thoughts, take me to your dreams Touch me as I fall into view When the winter comes keep the fires lit
And I will be right next to you
keep me in your heart for awhile These wheels keep turning but they're running out of steam Keep me in your heart for awhile

jus alil update for the masses ;p yeah ok wateva.. haha

FINALLY met up with sara.. saw yas n chris too.. the circumstances we met under was not happy tho.. my dear chris's dad passed away.. i cant believe how i was jus speaking to her awhile back n everything seemed fine.. well only they now how hard its all bn.. everythin seems to be on her shouldres now.. being the eldest n all.. but i knw she'll manage... she has to.. all tt pain in her eyes.. those big beautiful 'turkey' eyes... filled with pain n sadness n yet so much courage n strength n jus the want to help her mum n sis..my heart felt like it would break jus hugging her.. imagine how many times worse she must have been feeling...my darling girl.. i hope u know u've always gt me here.. i know ur dad left behind three of his most beloved women.. knowin tt everythin was in ur capable hands.. knowin tt u guys will keep his memory alive for all time.. knowin tt even for generations to come his legacy will b known jus by lookin at these three women.. be strong darl..

other than tt..last wk was absolutely terrible... had the most awful cramps which lasted a whole wk! i am not kiddin u... every single day.. n it was so painful... on top of tt i had to go to work n school... n everything was jus going the wrong way.. it was awful.. at times like tt i was jus so grateful tt i work in a female environment.. where it was all understood n could be talked abt openly and lil 'accidents' were not disgusting or gross.. even if it happened every day!!they were all so nice..pitching in and helping n givin suggestions.. n letting me take so much of time off.. n jus showering me with al the love n concern i needed...i love u guyz! :) thx so much..

sighh...last thing i hafta say for tdy.. i know i kow dis is all over the place... i juz wanna let ppl know tt it's nt a nice feeling... feeling like u'e being taken advantage of... that when u nd me i drop every single thing n run to u.. ok well not literally run.. but i try my best to b there.. n when u dun nd me.. or my concern.. or my attention.. u juz chuck me aside like ytd's paper! sheesh c'mon la... i also have feelings u know...i am human too.. no matter how u might think otherwise... this has been happening long enough.. ive had enough..ENOUGH! we're all capable of acting rationally.. considerately..so juz spare a thot for me... it's not fun having a fren who i try to b there for but when ever i nd u to be .. i dun even see ur shadow ard me.. not once or twicw but EVERY SINGLE FREAKING TIME ...i think it's time i start giving more attention to other ppl who HAVE been there fr me... so whenever u feel like it.. let me know tt i've gt the real u back... i dun nd things to be the way they were before... i know tt's impossible...u've gt so many ppl to think abt i knoe...i jus want a smidge of u.. jus a teeny tiny bit will do...it's tiring being the giver all the time... n not having anything to receive... i want my day in the sun with u too!!!!having said all this..i bet nothin will change.. coz u prolly wont even feel the pinch.. n i'll prolly jus drop everything juz to hug u when u need it.. juz to b chucked aside again.. n knowingly or unknowingly, we'll jus b continuing this vicious cycle.. n y?? jus coz i love u.. dis is my price to pay i guess.. tat's wat frenz r fr? aint i lucky ive gt the best...

One of my best friends; Sher and her cute lil bundle of joy;ANDREW.. hope she doesnt mind tt i nicked her foto..sorry chandi!!!! ;) but i jus culdnt help it.. isnt he jus e cutest...arghhhh if i could only get my hands on tt lil man! heh heh..hw i wish they were here... sher's jus e bestest mommy n andrew seems to be simply perfect.. u've gt ppl loving u all the way across e world lil man..*huGz*.. love ya guyz! missin out on all the action...

so called in sick today..my nose n throat were really havin a go at me.. took a bus down to e doc.. yes i hv to tk a bus ride to visit the doc coz i jus simply like him so much ;p i have like 4..5?!?! clinics here but only tt one offers the personal touch..with those kind understanding eyes..so basically i dun mind travellin for the service..haha.. gt there n the doc wasnt in yet!!! darn... he was late!! late! irritating..by practicaaly 45 mins!! on a cold n rainy day..with the aircon at full blast n the nose leakin like mad and an assignment to complete at hm.. it din feel gd waiting... developed one of my headaches while waitn.. been gettin the headaches often nwdays.. so he finally saw me...he looked different.. nt the same, cute, red-faced doc both me n sara like ...no whom sara liked n i loved!;) he's grown he's hair out looooong...n he looks older definately.. but ahhh those eyes.. tt look of concern.. he's gt it down flat!he sed i was too stressed.. tt was causin the headaches..so he basically told me nt to go to work or sch tdy n to stay hm n rest..haha..gv me cough n flu meds.. n of course somethin for the headaches.. e meds were really strong.. i only tk the headache one..coz i wanted to do my ass.. but it knocked me out completely...unconcsious to e world.. n wen i woke up i was all sweaty..without even realizin! sheesh...

so anw.. i better get back to tt assignment..tho e head's still poundin.. n i juz wanna slpppppppp.. bleah... i'l b back later... bye ppl!

Happy teachers' day!! to the awesome teachers in my life who double up great frenz.. to the teachers who made a difference in my life.. to my informal teachers guiding me thru...and to me! ;p

haha.. su,debs,serene,le,qp,angel,qi.eu,jy,aunty g n aunty sm..thx, u guyz.. for everythin!! great teachers n even greater frenz..im glad i get to c u guyz everyday:) n tt we suffer together.. u fill my days wit laughter n joy! happy teachers' day baybeeeh;) hehe

godma,ms h, mrs lim,cikgu,sheryl,sharon l...thank u for once enterin my life n still being a part of it.. for being frenz n confidants..for all the knowledge n love u've imparted..love ya

nic,shamii,clarissa,serene,elaine,ayu,jay,rach,jyln...we make great teachers dun we!! =) bila bila!!

mama,my mum,my aunt, my uncle... basically my family..for loving me n guidin me thru out all my life..ur love for me is unconditional n it's wat holds me together sometimes.. the lessons u've taught me can neva b found in any bk..u guyz R my life..my 'life' teachers.. u've helped me b the person i am today.. n u STIL help me grow...i love each n everyone of u

anw, my assignment's outta my hands.. FINALLY! sheesh...thank u all, e ppl who pushed n pushed(nic) n the ppl wh had to do all the findin n last min things FOR me (jan&mum) n for the ppl who offered their help n really meant it(sher!&mum again!) ;p hehe.. i made it!! the nxt one's due in 7 days! dam..everyone gt red to go thru the cycle again!;)

sara's back!!!! n i havnt had a chance to talk to her yet! my gosh.. tmr tmr.. i'm gonna call her tmr n finally get to her tt laughter again!! cant wait...
bleah tired redi.. tmr's another day....ah well nites!

sometimes nobody seems to understand..

monkey..thx 4 ur call..
serene..i jus suddenly miss u so much..evntho i jus saw u.. cant wait 2 c u later..wish u were here rite nw..i noe u'd try n understand..at e least u'd bitch wit me..muck
juzme...i cant wait 2 see ya
my princess..could i get one or ur awesome hugz pls

it breaks my heart to hear my best fren cryin... it shatters it to pieces when it's one of my bestest.. sigh felt myself tearing wen i heard all tt pain in her voice... how i wish i could jus hold her close til evrythin jus boils over..til the world's a safe place again for a heart like hers.. babe wat can i do.. tell me coz i dunno wat to say..i dunno wat to do..

i'l b here
i love u...

it'l b ok...

oh my gosh... somebody jus save me pls! drowning in assignments...siggggh...with a whole big box of work related stuff jus watin to be completed...wat was i ever thinking la!!!focus grace focus...

has it been long? it has? well... im back now.. not that long considerin ur take on long.. long to person in pain may juz b one day..but long to a person filled with everythin they every wanted or needed would never be enough...
well so many things have happened... happy stuff... n sad stuff.. n im gonna try my best to jot it down.. let every thing have it's fair share.. it's 1 min of fame....



ali's grandma passed away.. ironic hw we were jus talkin abt her..alil weird hw we squabled n gt over it jus days before..a squabble which put me in the rite mindset to be there for her as best i could..hopefully makin a tiny diff if possible...tt kinda pain neva really goes away... from my point anw... i still feel my heart squeezin n tears comin wen i think of my grandma.. so whoever says it jus takes time.. i have no idea wat u're tinkin... but in a way.. it's gd u always rememebr.. its gd to always miss them.. coz it makes u treasure those days wt them so so much more...so i wish my ali alil peace.. to calm her heart..

its different havin frenz who're married or with kids... t's nt difficult.. jus different.. their piorites in life are different..they're at a different point of they're life...mybe im jus startin to feel it now wen im surrounded by frens who r wives n mothers more nowdays...but no matter i love them all still n still enjoy their company...jus no late nites or impromptu plans... ah well.. late nites.. mayb i jus grew up with too much of DIDI;p haha... my late nite partner..impromptu planner..haha...nw im so used to it sometimes i crave it

movin on to di..my sonkey...i hate wat life is puttin her thru... i hate the way she has to feel... but im sure she'l get thru it.. coz she's gt the strength in her... life can b unfair sometimes.. even the best get hurt.. they take it in their stride.. hold their head high n keep on hopin...coz tt's one thing u can never really lose.. hope.. n it'l get u thru the days somehow...but if even tt fails.. u've gt me babe..i cant mk things better...but i'll hold ur hand while we wait for somethin better...my heart goes out to u.. my heart goes out to him... who knows hw he muz b feeling.. all alone..dam..nt knowin wats happenin here...even tho we're nt the very best of frenz or anythin.. he's stil like family coz he's with u...so i still worry...it'l be ok babe..one day at a time k... sigh....

ok on to a lil happier news.. (i'll b ending soon k) hehe ok... i PASSED MY FIRST AID TEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hehe tt was actually quite some time ago... the examiner really quite fierce n strict..but i passed!!!!! on my 1st try!!! hehehehe N i passed my first exam in my dip!!:) such a gd grade was really unexpected so tt really made me so happy!!!!!i know i know wats the big deal rite.... it is a big deal ok! haha ok last piece of info.. tt day one of my silly boys made me paic n worry.. i had to bring him to hosp..i tell u my heart felt like it was jus going to beat itself outta my chest..spent my whole day there with him...but nw he's ok..i think ;p hehe ok la tt's all for now.. i know it's a jmble... so many things wanting to b told at the same time... so many more things to say.but im lazy n tired n it'l jus have to wat til nxt time...

for sonkey n baba...nicked from one of my fav shows...
Sometimes we don't know our own strength. It can be hard to tell just how much weight you can safely bear, or how much will crush you. I'd like to think you can shoulder as big a burden as you believe you can, that it's all a matter of will. Certainly a comforting thought...Other times it's hard to remember you had any strength at all. Then you can only hope to have someone to remind you you were once fierce and able.

love u all...

for Baba...the in n out of me

im sorry...words tt were always so difficult for the stubborn headed us to readily admit to each other but the very words i wanted to continue sayin to ya.. n the words u sed back...readily.. i guessed we've evolved somehow from squabbling teenies to still squabling semi-adults who cn nw c the big pic faster....our first fight tt din last ovr days? :) hee... im glad things r in the open... n someow u know hw ive been feelin n i know how 've been feeling.... as i sed.. uve always bn such a part of me tt everythin seems magnified somehow... u've always supported me...encouraged me been there for me..even wen i couldnt find anyone else... frm the moment i gave u a piece of my heart u've kept it protected(well almost all the time;p except wen u're fighting wit me n wanting to kill me) it's bn hard fr me... i dunno if i can cope n there's so many things goin on.. n im sorry tt i din give a sec thot to u...i need u ali... to help me n be wit me n jus love me wen everythin doesnt seem to go my way n i cant find a single person who'l understand... i need u to b wit me wen even i dun wanna b wit me.. i need u to mk me feel impt n still the know-it-all of ur life... i need to hear ur sickenin jokes n ur sacarcism...i jus need u... n i know u nd me too... thx for everythin babe... uve been my blessing...i love u

*grace

teacher-by-day-student-by-nite!

i'm so exhausted...there seems to b so many things happenin at the same time i feel overwhelmed sometimes... n its jus the beginning!which comes first... which deserves my undivided attention... which should be my piority.... my family n frenz hv always come first... always...but im nt even giving them the time they so ritely deserve..n i hv no choice.. i cant help it! my poor mummy muz b feelin so taken for granted..she's bn doin everythin..none of us hv been helpin... for my part... ive nt even been at hm most of the time.. to b able to even do anythin! n wen i am im too tired to care! i jus hope se knows tt i love her with all my heart n im tryin my best.. i reall am!
on to happy things:) as of thurs i FINALLY started my class! hehe i wish my grandma were here to hv seen tt day.. i would have received the fanfare celebratin the occassion...i hope u're proud mamma...i jus wish so muh u were here!i might b far behind most of my peers... but only i know all it took to get me here. so now i am a teacher by day n a student by nite! hahaa hw ironic the provider of knowledge n the receiver at the same time! class seems to b ok... i could hardly kp myself awake..it'l take some gettin use to.. n everyone there seems so bloody smart... spewing theories n huge words so efortlessly... like everythin's just stored at the tip of their tongue!! n ere's so many ppl in tt class!!! so many smart ppl in the same place at the same time....sheesh;pit's like sitting in a huge dictionary or smth!
2 more classes to go for fa! dam i cant remember the sequences even!! i really really hope it'll b ok....i jus wanna pass!plssssssss!!!!!!!! =Dok i better go...off to my aunts... n to memorising abt bandages!
one n two n three n four n five n one n two n three n four n ten n one n two n three n four n fiften............................

ahhh! im so super tired! stayed home today aft work to get stuff done but obviously i din rite..;p darn... school's startin soon!!! excited...yet scared...;) yet alredi swampped by work n fa classes! i jus hope it'l all work out ok!hehehe eh im too lazy to blog!
ANYONE interested in helpin me redo my blog??? pls puhleaaseeee?? i promise to love u forever wit all my heart if u do! hahaha.... take care everyone!
erm seriously anyone interested?? :)

RACISM

how does it happen when we live in a multi cultural society.. how can ppl even think it wen our neighbours n sometimes even our own family members r of dff skin colours... how can ppl make themselves so ugly by being racist when they believe in their own gods n claim to b gd ppl n preach tt everyone is unique n special... how can they make thmselves out to be better than everybdy else.. wiser, stronger, richer more powerful... jus by judgin ppl by the colour of their skin.. lemme tell u.. in my eyes... U r the weaker as u jus cant see a person for who they r inside... U r less powerful coz u jus simply disgust me... u r definately missin a few brain cells coz u seem to think tt only certain kinds of ppl r worth occupyin this earth...PLS la! ive heard racist remarks b4..directed at me or otherwise.. i've seen racist stares wen the person in question is not entirely welcomed... n the only thing i can think is... where do u get off... where do u f***ing get off thinkin tt way?sigh wat can i say.. to each his own... anw at the end of the day wen ur time is up it's U who has to provide the ans for ur attitude...i am jus lucky n truly blessed in tt my truest frenz... the ones i love dearly... love me for who i am.. colour doesnt matter... red, yellow, blue, white wateva... some of them...namely my beloved ali shares wit me my culture n her own wholeheartedly...n immerses herself into it...every1 of the really impt ppl in my life dun see a difference in colour but the bondin of the hearts underneath...i guess tt's y they're the special ones=D so all u crazy ones jus go jump off a bridge or somethin

phew.. jus so pissed off abt some comments made by a few ppl... anw.. my poor sissy was follwed home by some psychotic bast*** followed my sis home all the way frm sch! crazy or wat rite! lucky my dad was at the traffic light.poor girl was runnin hm... she was so freaked..U crazy psycho..go jump off the bridge too... n make sure u land on some really pointy rocks... idiot!
hmmm anw, im startin classes on thurs! haha gt my timetable.. 1st module has exam! darn.... okie betta head to bed gt work then FA class somemore aft tt... take care my darlings... it's U i love! heehee...

*c'mon ppl lets live in harmony...let go off the bad thots n u'll realise how wonderful each person is... despite race or religion...yes?